2) Writing wasn't fun anymore

When I would write a blog post, I would always start with a blank page and a massive backlog of ideas. The act of writing a well-formatted blog post is intimidating. That is the part I don't enjoy.

I realized I was overthinking it. The things I write about are straightforward and often very technical. They're more for me than anyone else. Writing helps me think and understand so I decided to embrace this and change the way I write.

Instead of writing long, formal blog posts for others, I now write smaller (usually) brief notes about a specific topic to build up my own personal knowledge.

This collection of notes can then be used to Learn in public, sometimes referred to as a Digital Garden.

Link: How and why this site exists – Eric Gregorich

Sad to say, but I'm at this point right now. Just the thought of writing a decent blog post somehow renders me exhausted. Not to mention, my mind has been stuck on the idea of, not everything has to be shared online. It's perfectly okay to go through life, to let things happen to you and not have to share it online.

Writing this post took a good bit of effort on my part. I had to make sure to finish it in one sitting, otherwise it would have gone unpublished for sure. Needless to say, I've all but given up on the 100DaysToOffload challenge. I got to 76 posts. That's as far as I could go.

Lately, I've been spending time writing code, instead of writing entries on here. At this point in time, I find more satisfaction in producing a working application, as opposed to a new blog post or journal entry. It's not that I don't have anything to write about — my bullet journal is filled with topics to write about. But lately, I just don't feel like I'm publishing something of value on here. I guess I also finally got tired of writing journal entries.

Lately, I've been getting tired of all the activity I've been doing online. I've been writing posts for this journal, writing posts on my micro journal, curating bookmarks, posting game screenshots, posting sky photos, posting about music I'm listening to, etc...

Meanwhile, my email inboxes have been getting unwieldy. The number of unread posts on my Feedly account keeps on growing. I have not been reading books as much as I used to. I have not been learning new skills. I'm starting to get exhausted because I feel like I'm in a race to do lots of stuff, even if nobody is asking me to do them.

Recent posts I've read have made me question whether this is the best use of my time and my reader's time. I've started to wonder whether I've been producing something of value for myself and my readers. I wonder if maybe I'm just going through the motions. Like trying to look productive, even though I'm not. If that's the case, then I'm just wasting everyone's time, mine included.

I found that I could not discuss my thoughts on this show without referencing specific events in the show. So, to try and make this as spoiler free as possible, I hid the major spoilers behind links. You will have to click the links to view the spoilers if you so choose.

Like I said in a previous journal entry, Messiah is a very intriguing show. It really made me question the world we are living in today. For instance, the Messiah's request to... click here for spoiler, was thought provoking. Can you imagine what the world will be like if that happened? I for one cannot. And I cannot even say if that will bring about more good, or more bad. I don't think anyone can, unless they can see into the future. But it is a very interesting scenario to think about.

The most beautiful thing about a blog is that most of us don’t write blogs to become famous or make money. We write blogs simply because we are enthusiasts and nerds and hobbyists, and our little home in this vague corner of the internet is where we go to be, in a sense, fully ourselves, a safe place where we can go full nerd with a community of fellow nerds in tow.

I wholeheartedly agree!

People living halfway across the world from us, in Belgium and Iceland and the very far ends of Vladivostock, were making things they wanted to make just for the heck of it — websites and blogs were born out of hobbies, not ambitions. We were all amateurs making crude, ugly but heartfelt internet objects out of our laughable HTML skills. It was FUN because we were all amateurs together and there were no rules and no expectations and, of course, very little aesthetic sense. It was a pretty level playing ground.

Interesting enough, I feel that I am at this stage with this online journal. Except I'm not living in the past, but in the present.

In today's Gospel Reading, Jesus visited the disciples, who were locked in a room, not once, but twice. In light of the current lock-down due to the pandemic and not being able to attend Mass in person, I had some realizations on this that I wanted to write down.

First, Jesus comes to His people wherever they are. We might not be able to attend Mass in person, but it doesn't mean that Jesus cannot be with us. The Church is the house of God yes, but that's not the only place that you can find Jesus at. If you call out to Him, He will find you, wherever you are. You don't have to be at Church, or in the case of the disciples, at the temple, to find Him. The Church is the people and so Jesus will find His people wherever they are.

Second, because Jesus will find His people wherever they are, this means that in our current situation, where we cannot go to Church to attend Mass, it is okay to attend Mass from home via television or via the internet. He is there, with you, when you attend Mass in your bedroom or living room.