I Will Eventually Figure It Out
Dino Bansigan is concerned about writing “more for myself and less to an audience” but I find myself wondering why those must be seen as mutually exclusive. Is it not possible to write for oneself yet to an audience?
For some reason, I cannot wrap my head around the concept of writing for myself, but at the same time writing to an audience. I feel like if I can just look at it from a different angle though, I would figure it out. The closest thing I can think of, is writing for myself but writing in such a way that the content is palatable to readers. But then, wouldn't I be writing to an audience?
That question leads me to a realization... that it might not even be possible to separate the two when you are posting on a public website. The very nature of a public website means that there is at least one reader, myself, and then there's everyone else online. Something like a “one to many” relationship between a post and readers. So, there's really no way to avoid an audience when posting to a public website. If I really wanted to just write for myself, then my offline bullet journal should suffice. However, I already have a bullet journal and yet I'm still posting here. So there's something else that I'm looking for that I'm not getting from an offline journal.
That realization has led me to yet another realization... that as of this moment, I still don't fully know what I'm trying to accomplish with this online journal of mine. My dev blog, I know what it's for, but this online journal, it seems to morph into something else every other month or so. Sometimes it can feel like I'm having some sort of early midlife crisis and this journal is a manifestation of that. Honestly, trying to think about it hurts my head, but I also think that it's okay. I'm okay. Not everyone goes through life having already figured out the answers to every question that comes to mind. So it's fine. In time, I will eventually figure it out.